Whatever It Takes To Make You Happy
by Arc Valentine
Summary: Peter had always had the ability to confront things calmly and firmly, no matter the subject. But this was getting way out of hand, even for him.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Peter had always had the ability to confront things calmly and firmly, no matter the subject. But this was getting way out of hand, even for him.

Chapter 1

It was their second day in Professor Kirke's mansion and three of the oldest Pevensie kids were sitting in the library. Lucy had just gone off to play by herself after a whole morning of pleading, persuading, whining and sobbing.

Peter was exhausted and exasperated by Lucy's squeaking, and he could see from Susan's expression that she felt the same way. Their eyes met for a while and she gave him a tired smile before returning to the book she had borrowed from one of the shelves. Peter wasn't in the mood for reading. In fact he felt like he wasn't in the mood for anything. He let out a sigh and examined the room with his eyes. After seeing enough old bookshelves and dusty tapestries he locked on Edmund, who was staring at his book with a sullen face. Peter sighed again. He began to wish that Lucy hadn't left. Being annoyed was always better than being bored.

Peter started his visual library tour once more. Old bookshelves, dusty tapestries, a concentrated Susan and a sullen Edmund. No, this time more like a distant Edmund. Peter noted that Edmund was gazing at the exact same spot of his book as the last time he had looked. Edmund's dark eyes seemed even darker than normally and he looked rather unhappy.

"Edmund? Is everything alright?" Peter asked. His voice echoed in the silent room.

"Yeah, 'course. Why wouldn't it?"

Susan lifted her head up and glanced at Edmund.

"That didn't sound very convincing, now did it, Ed?"

"What are you talking about?" Edmund asked, not letting his eyes off the book.

"Susan's right. Something's up", Peter said while walking towards Edmund and sat on the arm of his chair, "Aren't you going to share it with us?"

"No. I mean, it's really nothing. I just happen to have a headache, that's all", Edmund responded. Peter thought that by the sound of it Edmund was trying to assure himself more than the other two.

Susan gave up with the book and joined her brothers. She knelt on the floor next to Edmund's chair and crossed her arms on the free side of it. She rested her chin on her arms and went on with the interrogation:

"Even Peter didn't buy that. What's the matter? No need to haste. We've got all the time until the war ends, I suppose. Please, tell us what this is about."

For Peter that sounded more like an order than a request. Edmund seemed to crack under Peter and Susan's observant eyes.

"Oh, fine then", Edmund sighed, still not looking up, "But, uhh… What's it like, when you, umm…"

"What?" Peter pestered. Susan gave him a judgmental look.

"When you're… in love?" Edmund blushed fiercely and slid lower on his armchair.

Susan laughed unbelievingly: "I beg your pardon! Is that the reason why you have been so blue all the time?"

Peter felt relieved.

"That shouldn't make you blue at all… Except if you're in love with Mrs. Macready or something like that!" He noted, smiling.

Susan giggled and Edmund almost shouted: "God, no! What do you think I am?"

"Take it easy, he's only joking", Susan said and kicked Peter rather hard under the chair, "But, to answer your question, I think it feels all warm, tingly, cuddly and pink. Like eating a strawberry dipped in whipped cream while a soothing summer breeze flows over you and little pixies tickle your sun-kissed feet with pieces of fresh grass."

When Susan had finished she noticed both of her brothers were staring at her open-mouthed.

"What? What did I say now?"

"It's just that… you're usually so witty and down-to-earth. That was something totally new", Peter put his thoughts into words. While Susan tried to decide whether to be flattered or annoyed, Edmund opened his mouth again:

"Well, then that's definitely not it."

"No, I'm sure it's different for everyone. What I mean is, I for myself can't imagine feeling anything like that under any circumstances", Peter said. Edmund sank even lower.

"Oh. Then it is that after all?" He sounded depressed.

"Hard to say, really. Unless you tell us who is it?" said Peter curiously.

"I'd better not…-" Edmund started but was interrupted by Susan:

"Peter! Stop being so nosy all the time! Ed can tell us if he feels like it, right Ed?"

"Then where did you two meet?" Peter continued as Susan rolled her eyes.

"We've known for ages. It's just that I haven't really known what my feelings were. What I should call them", Edmund said quietly, almost whispering.

"Love is quite the big word", Peter noted. He had to raise his eyebrows for Edmund's reaction: he had closed his eyes again and was wearing a painful expression on his face.

"Ed? What is it this time?" He asked. Susan looked worried.

"Nothing. It's just so obvious for me now. How come I didn't realize it earlier?"

"Things just don't always go your way", Susan said.

"Don't I know that", Edmund murmured looking just as sullen as before.

Peter felt bad for him. He could easily tell that Edmund was having a hard time and he wished with his whole heart that the person Edmund loved would love him back. Poor little Ed.

"What do you think, Peter?" Edmund asked with a cautious voice. Peter tried hard not to blush. This was getting a little embarrassing.

"I-I wouldn't know", he stuttered, "Never happened."

Susan gazed at Peter in amazement and Edmund was facing his book again. There was an awkward silence for a few seconds, but soon it was broken by Susan and Edmund saying simultaneously "Poor Peter" and "Lucky you."

After this the two of them were looking at each other, obviously trying to understand one another, but, Peter thought, even more obviously failing in it.

"What about you then?" Peter threw the question back at Edmund, hoping to get the attention off of himself, "How does it make you feel?"

Edmund turned to look into Peter's eyes. He blinked a few times, looking dejected, and whispered:

"Wrong."

Susan smiled sympathetically and reached out to pet her little brother's raven hair. Peter felt awful for Edmund but didn't know what to do or say to make him feel better. Fortunately Susan seemed to know how to handle the situation:

"Why? What makes you say that?"

"I don't know. It's just that every time I see him I –"

Edmund shut his eyes and banged his head to the back rest. Susan's hand stopped and she was looking at Edmund in a very puzzled way. Peter just froze onto his place.

"What… was that last word again?" Susan asked.

"Nothing, nothing, nothing", Edmund kept repeating as he pounded his head against the chair. Peter stayed frozen.

"Oh God, Edmund, this can't be good… This most definitely isn't good…" Susan said weakly and started to pace around the room.

"Ed… you don't really mean it's a –", Peter tried to ask after regaining his grip.

"I wish I didn't", Edmund replied, leaning over to hit his forehead against his knees for a change. Peter began to wish it would have been Mrs. Macready after all.

"You could have opened the conversation quite differently", Peter put in to break the silence and got a heated response from Edmund, who had switched onto the defensive:

"I never opened any conversations to begin with! It was you, remember? And what am I supposed to say anyway? Hey, what a nice weather and oh, by the way, I'm in love with my –"

Edmund let out a frustrated voice and began to hammer himself with his fists. Susan returned to her place on the floor and, sounding very intrigued, asked:

"Your what? Best friend? Classmate? …Teacher?"

"Teacher?" Peter repeated, raising his eyebrow for Susan.

"Why not? That happens… I mean, at least that's what I've heard… Oh Ed, will you stop bludgeoning yourself?"

A struggle took place, when Susan tried to snatch Edmund's hands and Edmund attempted to continue on beating himself. They could have gone on like that for hours if Peter hadn't interfered. He grabbed Edmund's wrist and he instantly gave up.

"Not a teacher", Edmund said and began to sulk since he couldn't hurt himself anymore.

"Then who?" Peter asked and after realizing he was still squeezing Edmund's wrist, let it go feeling a little embarrassed.

"Yeah, Ed, you can't beat around the bush forever", Susan said quietly looking very uneasy. Suddenly Edmund jumped up and stormed off from the library angrily muttering something that Peter thought could have been "I'm not having this conversation with you."

It was when the door slammed behind Edmund that Peter truly began to think about the things he had just learned. He had witnessed his baby brother confessing, or rather, blurting out that he was in love with another boy. Peter had also been forced to see how much pain it caused him. And all he wanted was to see that pain go away because, in spite of all their disagreements and quarrels, he sincerely cared about Edmund.

Only Peter had no clue what a big brother was supposed to do in a situation like this.

He turned to face Susan only to notice that her eyes were filled with tears. Then, trying her best to hold those tears back, she whispered huskily:

"Oh, Peter! Do you think he's got any clue…?"

"About what?" Peter asked, keeping his voice as steady and calm as possible.

"About what all this means! The consequences! Being that way… It's illegal and immoral! It's… unhealthy! And, oh God, Peter! It's a sin! He's going to end up in… Hell!"

After the last word Susan finally burst into tears. She collapsed on Peter's arms and sobbed loudly.

"If such a place exists, it's definitely not meant for Ed", Peter said as a wave of ruefulness flowed through him. He had cursed his little brother into that particular place countless times but now that someone said he really could be going there, Peter's insides bubbled with guilt and he started to feel sick.

"What do you mean 'If such a place exists?'?" Susan inquired, parting from her brother, "Are you defying the Holy Bible?"

Peter decided to test his luck:

"And what if I am?"

"What has gotten into the two of you? All of a sudden you have turned all… heathen, and Ed is…" Susan screamed hysterically, "I can only hope I won't find Lucy committing any weird rituals or worshiping idols out there!"

And with those words she stormed off the way Lucy and Edmund had done before her.

Peter buried his head in his hands as the door slammed shut once again. It felt as if everything was just falling to pieces in front of him and he was frustrated because he didn't know what to do to stop it.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know I'm super late with uploading this but, lo and behold, I have a reason for it! I've moved to a whole new continent, so I've had plenty of stuff going through my mind.. but, here I am again :D and btw, I switched to Edmund's POV

Chapter 2

There was a heavy tension over the dinner table. Edmund avoided catching eye contact with anyone by staring at his plateful of stewed meat, which was left untouched. Peter and Susan sat next to each other as usually but the gap between them was a great deal bigger than before. They hadn't spoken a word to each other or even exchanged looks. Lucy was telling her siblings about the game she had played earlier. None of them were really paying attention to it even though Lucy seemed awfully excited about it. When Lucy finally realised she wasn't going to get any kind of response for her chitter about some faun in a snowy forest, if Edmund had heard her right, she gave up looking slightly hurt.

Edmund had no appetite at all and it seemed like Peter and Susan were feeling the same. Just as Edmund was about to stand up and leave the table, he saw Peter do it before him. Edmund cursed his bad luck and decided to wait just a little while longer since he didn't want to give the expression that he wanted to talk to Peter. Which he definitely did not want to do. He didn't want to talk to anybody. Peter and Susan had found out his biggest secret, or at least the half of it. And Edmund thanked every higher power there could possibly be that they hadn't found out the other half.

While he was trying to recall all of the spirits, gods and saints he had heard of, Susan also made her way out of the dining room.

Lucy seemed confused about her brother and sister's behaviour and turned her big brown puppy eyes to Edmund.

"What's got into them? You're not going to leave too, are you?"

Edmund swallowed a curse word and gave a sigh.

"No, I suppose I'm not."

"Have Peter and Su been fighting?"

"I don't know", Edmund answered. He wasn't lying, actually, but he did have an inkling of what had gotten between his siblings.

"I hate it when some of you have arguments", Lucy said unhappily, "No one listens to me when that happens."

"Sorry about that. Now, what were you trying to tell about earlier? 'Had something to do with a… forest, was it?"

Just as Edmund had expected, Lucy's mouth widened into an excited smile, and the story of a faun with an umbrella started all over again.

Edmund wasn't quite listening this time, either, because a curious thought had wandered from the back of his mind: since Peter and Susan had argued about something (and Edmund was almost certain of what that something was), one of them had supposedly turned against him. But, if luck had it, the other one may just have stepped on Edmund's side. But then again, the question is: which one?

Edmund couldn't sit still any longer.

"Wonderful story, Lu. You must have had a great time out there. But I really have to go now."

Edmund found his way back to the corridor where their bedrooms laid after making a few wrong turns and accidentally bursting into Mrs Macready's chamber, scaring the poor lady so that she had dropped the watering can she had been holding. Edmund was sure she was going to get him for it some time, but now he had more crucial matters in his mind.

He was standing in the hall trying to decide which one of the two doors to knock, his and Peter's or Lucy and Susan's. Finally he came to the conclusion that having Susan scold him or yell at him wasn't as bad as seeing Peter look so wordless, so lost as he had been in the library.

"No Lucy, I'm still not going to play with you", Susan called through the door as Edmund's fist hit the wood.

"But it's me, Edmund."

"Oh", Susan said. She sounded more distant and perhaps… colder? "I'm sort of busy right now."

Edmund felt hurt. He wouldn't have guessed that his dear, caring, kind of maternal older sister would have turned her back on him so easily.

"But it's about what I said earlier", Edmund tried.

The hall was dead silent. Edmund heard blood run inside his head.

"I need some time alone", Susan said at last.

Edmund felt tears burn in his eyes.

"Thanks for your support", Edmund whispered and the tears fell down. He kicked his own door open and leaped on his bed crying quietly. Someone cleared their throat in the corner of the room. Edmund had totally forgot about the fact that he was sharing a room with Peter.

"Umm… Ed? 'You alright?"

_Now this is just brilliant. I wonder if he saw me crying_, Edmund thought as he furiously rubbed his eyes on his pillow. He raised his head and replied as plainly as he could:

"Sure."

"You're lying again, Ed."

"No I'm not!" Edmund shrieked.

"Yes you are."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"No, I am not."

Peter rolled his eyes and sat on Edmund's bed.

"Have you been crying?"

"No", Edmund said and wiped his eyes again. Peter smiled sadly and patted Edmund's head.

"See? I told you you were lying."

"You think I don't know I was lying?"

"No."

"Then why are you sitting there?"

"Because I'm worried about you. Why were you crying? Does it have something to do with… that… thing?" Peter asked sounding uncomfortable.

"No!" Edmund yelled louder than he had meant to and lowered his tone a bit, "It's Susan. She won't talk to me."

"Oh. That", Peter said. Edmund was surprised by the hatefulness in his voice. "She won't talk to me either."

"Why?"

"Because I… questioned the existence of a place called Hell. Or at least that's how she understood it."

Edmund was blown off by this. "Why would you do that?"

Peter looked guilty, which puzzled Edmund even more.

"Because she thinks that's where you'll end up."

Edmund suddenly felt empty and cold inside. "She really said that?"

Peter looked as if every word caused him agony: "Yeah. She did. She also kindly remarked that your… your ways are… how did she put it? 'Illegal, immoral and unhealthy.'"

Edmund felt tears coming up again. "And you?"

"I tried to calm her down. But then she snapped. I guess she was expecting me to agree with all that."

"You don't?" Edmund asked, seeing dim light at the end of his lonely, black tunnel.

"No… I don't think I do. In fact I don't know what to think. I mean the illegal part was true, though. But I've never really thought about these things. Never had any reason to. It's all too new for me, I mean the whole matter of…" Peter looked bothered.

"Homosexuality?" Edmund suggested coolly.

Peter looked away bashfully because of the way his little brother had said such a word so easily.

"No! I mean yes, that too. But I really meant the whole idea of…"

"What?" Edmund pestered in a way that was very similar to Peter's when he had wanted to find out who was the target of Edmund's feelings.

"Love", Peter said timidly.

"Right", Edmund responded as he recalled Peter's earlier confession.

Edmund wondered how they had go to the point where Peter was looking away embarrassedly and Edmund himself was cool as ice.

_Well, I guess since he already knows about it, I've got nothing to lose._

That wasn't true of course. Edmund still had the other half of his secret.

"This room is oppressing. Feel like taking a walk?" Edmund proposed, doing his best not thinking about how this could end. He didn't know how much further he could push Peter's open-mindedness before it hit its limit.

_Maybe he could take it. He's so clueless when it comes to these things. Maybe, if I said it right away, so that he won't get to think about these matters before I drop the bomb. Yes, I've got to do this. Even if it's still just a maybe._

"Yeah, why not?" Peter looked uncertain.

"Then let's get the hell out of here!"

"Ed! Since when did you curse?"

"Sorry. Since when have you been my mom?"

"Stop that!"

"Sorry. 'Didn't mean to say it like that", Edmund said. And he truly hadn't.

"Right", Peter said as he reached the door, "Are you coming or not?"

Edmund smiled brightly.

"You bet."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Peter**

Peter and Edmund wandered through the deserted corridors of Professor Kirke's mansion. It felt as if the building was endless: no matter how far they walked, they always found new hallways, stairs, bedrooms, studies.

"Do you feel like opening some doors?" Edmund asked with a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Do I?" Peter asked and flunged the closest door open. The room appeared to only have a fireplace and a few comfy-looking armchairs in it. Edmund kicked the door shut and said cheerfully:  
>"Not good enough! Let's try this one instead!"<p>

They went on like that for about twenty minutes, but Edmund never seemed to be quite pleased with what they found.

"Another dud."

"That's it", Peter said finally, "Just what are you looking for?"

Edmund stopped to think for a moment.  
>"I'm not sure… But I'll tell you when I find it!"<p>

Peter laughed and followed his brother, who had already run to the next door.

"Who's slamming those doors up there?"

Peter and Edmund froze. It was the Macready's voice.

"You'd better come quickly", Edmund called for Peter and answered before he had even had time to ask the question, "I sort of upset her earlier."

So they shoved themselves through the nearest door. It was completely empty, except for a big mahogany wardrobe.

"How did - ", Peter started, but was cut off by Edmund's finger on his lips. If a picture is worth a thousand words, a look is worth the whole truth. During that look Edmund let his hand drop, but Peter caught it in mid-air.

"Ed, don't tell me – "

Edmund looked like he was going to burst into tears. Again.

"You have no idea how… You were never supposed to find out."

Peter felt dizzy, sick, and overwhelmed.  
>"What…?" he whispered.<p>

"Agree with Susan yet?"

"…I think I'm going to be sick", Peter said and was about to leave the room and go find a bathroom, but Edmund ran to the door and slammed his back against it.

"You can't just leave me here! Besides, old Macready's still there", said Edmund, pushing Peter farther from the door.

"Could you just… not touch me?" Peter asked weakly. His voice was shuddering. And so was Edmund's body. He was crying again.  
>This sight made Peter realise that Edmund was still his baby brother and he was responsible for him.<p>

"Hey, Ed, take it easy. I didn't mean it like that."  
>He reached out to awkwardly pat Edmund on the shoulder. As Peter was doing his best to settle his thoughts into at least some kind of an order, Edmund threw himself at Peter with a force that almost made them fall onto the floor. Edmund was clinging to him like he was never going to let go.<br>Peter swallowed down his will to push his brother away.

"Umm… Ed?"

"No! Don't say it! I won't let you say that you hate me!"

"You're making no sense at all. Why would I hate you? You're my brother!"  
>Edmund turned his bloodshot glance towards Peter, who went on:<br>"And now that I got to that… Ed, you're my brother. This isn't normal."

"When was I ever normal?" Edmund noted in that gloomy tone again.

Peter mentally slapped his forehead with his palm. He was getting nowhere.

"No, Ed. Listen to me. Have you ever heard of… say, brotherly love?"

"You… think I don't know the difference?"

"No. I just hoped you didn't."

Peter felt completely lost. How was he going to fix things now? Would things ever go back to normal again?

"It doesn't have to change anything, you know. We could always just… pretend nothing ever happened", Edmund said as if he had read Peter's mind. No matter how much Peter liked the offer, he knew he couldn't be that selfish. He heard the pain through Edmund's words.

"Edmund, even though I've never been in love it doesn't mean I don't love. That I don't know what love is. We can never go back to what we had."

Edmund began to sob against Peter's chest. Peter wanted nothing more than to release his little brother from his pain.

"What should I do? What will make you happy?"

Edmund blinked, "Pardon?"

"I'm not going to kiss you, though."

Edmund's face brightened up as he began to understand.

"Silly", he chuckled, "Just stay there for a little while."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"You're slobbering on my shirt."

"Oh, shut up! You're ruining the moment."

Peter wiped away a leftover tear from Edmund's face with his thumb, hiding his last feeling of nausea with the softest smile he could come up with.

**A/N: **oh poor things.


End file.
